Wandering and Wondering

This is me at my secret beach writing this blog.

I am fortunate to have kept my sense of wonder and adventure into adulthood. Today I am on my secret beach drawing pictures in the sand and looking for lake glass and anything else that might be interesting to me.

When I was small I was always looking for things that were out of their normal atmosphere. I called the things I found "clues" One of the best times to do this was after a heavy rain or early spring when the snow was melting. We had a creek that ran through our property that always brought odd treasures.

I will never forget walking the length of our creek looking for "clues". One time my neighbor and I found a doll face floating along the creek. The story we made up to go with this doll's face was more than morbid and we did not pick it up because we were afraid that the story we came up with might actually be true! Looking back, I wish I had scooped it up. I can guarantee that if I had, I would still have it today.

Another discovery along these lines was in the woods across the road from my childhood home. I discovered a low spot in the ground where odd things would wash up. I found a Clorox bleach bottle from the 1920's and some glass dish soap bottles. It was very exciting for a summer or two. I think about going back there sometimes to see what has washed up since.

I am finding that living in the city offers the same excitement. Lately, I have been wandering around my neighborhood looking for new "clues".

One summer in my teenage years I only picked up random playing cards. It was amazing to see how many there were just laying around in the streets

I wonder what I will find this summer...

Waiting for the End

I see this everyday.

I've known for some time now that things happen for a reason.  Because I realize this, I find that I get caught up in the "Why" of things instead of enjoying them while they last. 

I feel that if I just let the process be the process I would be much better off. I wish it was as easy for me as it sounds.

I  always try to predict the ending of events and relationships so I can end them before they are ended on me.  I go so far that I turn the radio station when a song I love is going to end so I don't have to experience it being over.  In reality, I am interrupting the process by not letting the song play.

I am very interested in processes in general.  I believe that part of what makes things beautiful or interesting is how they came to be. Even as a child, I was fascinated with where things came from, how they were made and what purpose they served.

I find that the most interesting processes are those that I cannot control.


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Before and Four Trainers Later...

December 2010

May 2012

 












I have determined that now is a good time to post my progress pictures since I am currently injured and trying to maintain my current level of fitness until I am healed. It is hard to stay positive and motivated through my current condition so I am hoping that documenting my progress publicly will help keep my focused.



February 2012

I have been successful in making sure that there is not a lot of documentation of my heaviness...so my "Before" pictures are lacking.

I am finding  that there are a lot of people in my life who have not known me as a fatty and I am hesitant to share my before and after pictures due to embarrassment. I feel like I let people down by being overweight.

I have learned that I can go to the gym to sweat through my t-shirt and exhaust myself if I know that someone else is counting on me to do it, but I am still struggling to be able to do this myself. Some of my past trainers fulfilled this need in that they were interested in how the time away from them was spent. It was amazing how far I could push myself when I knew that at the end of the month someone else would be waiting for me with a tape measure in hand!

I have worked with a total of four trainers over the past year and a half or so to help obtain my goals. What I have learned through that process is that not all trainers are created equal and in order to get the most out of the experience, you have to find someone who fits well with what you are trying to achieve. Someone who lives the lifestyle you are trying to achieve is helpful.

I lost a total of 11 inches off my waist and plenty everywhere else. Ive lost a total of 65 pounds from my highest weight and dropped over 15% body fat. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin and do not feel the need to hide behind funny hair colors and fancy clothing. I finally see the beauty in being myself, although, I still sometimes struggle with that.

I am one of the strongest people I know. I am certain that I will continue on this path and be in the best health and shape of my life each birthday to come.  The process does not end here!

Things I learned from my mother

When I was a little girl I would imagine what I would be like as an adult. I daydreamed about the house and yard I would have, who my husband would be, the types of things that I would be passionate about and what my life would be like .

I am exactly the woman I imagined. Without all of the things I learned from my mom I would not be who I am today.

A coupleof things I have learned from my mom...

• How to maintain a live Christmas tree
• To recognize other people's feelings
• How to use the library
• How to cut the lawn
• That people with disabilities and such things are regular people too
• How to catch a snapping turtle in a five gallon bucket
• What baking materials to always have on hand
• How to deliver bad news in a matter of fact way
• How to use my imagination to entertain myself
• That the number on the scale doesn't tell the whole story
• How to make a meatloaf and endless other meals
• That it's okay to have friends who are boys
• How to deal with bullies and mean girls
• How to keep a clean functional household
• How to GARDEN!
• How to behave in an emergency situation
• How to organize a garage sale
• And entirely too many other things to list here

Mothers have an important job.  .

Z's Secret Beach

It's funny how smells can take you back in time like a time machine.  Today the lake smelled just like the beach that I took swimming lessons at as a child.  I never learned how to swim there because I was afraid of the strangers who were supposed to be teaching us.  Even then, at age 6, my shyness disgusted me.

I found a secret beach today on my lunch break. I didn't mind that my Crocs were full of sand and tickled my feet with each footstep.


In addition to the secret beach, I also found some sea glass and fish heads whose eyeballs had been plucked out by birds.

I am glad that I have a secret beach now.

The End.